Top ten things to do to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day this year

10. Dye every hair on your body green… all of it
9. Hand out bars of Irish Spring soap to random strangers
8. Eat a bowl of clover while muttering, “This has got to change my luck.”
7. Apologize to every redhead you know for assuming they were Irish
6. Shout Éirinn go Brách! (Erin guh brawk) with passion every hour on the hour
5. Start every conversation with, “Is that a shillelagh in your pocket…”
4. Post a picture of a leprechaun on Facebook with the message, “The little bastard is tight lipped about the gold. On to the water boarding.”
3. Don’t call it St. Paddy’s day ever again. Ever. Just. Don’t.
2. Stay sober!
1. Run away from everyone who asks you for something, screaming, “They’re always after me lucky charms!